CHAPTER TWENTY

The Minister in Confusion

As the minister departed, ahead of Hester Prynne and little Pearl, he looked back at them to assure himself that his meeting with them was, indeed, real. But there was Hester, wearing her gray dress, still standing in the forest next to their little Pearl, dancing and smiling to herself. So, the minister had not fallen asleep, and dreamed! This, indeed, was real!

In order to calm his mind after the meeting with Hester, after so many years of silence between them, he began thinking more clearly of their plans to leave the town. He and Hester had spoken a great deal about their plans during their meeting in the forest, and decided that they would return to Europe, with its crowds and cities, which offered them more places to hide than the new towns of New England, or all America. The minister's health, as well, was a concern for the two, as he was too weak to build a new life in the wilds of New England. Therefore, they decided they must return to Europe, where he would find proper medical care for his illness. He had noticed, within the past few days, that a ship had recently come from Europe, and would soon be returning there. Within three days, the ship would be sailing for England. Hester declared that she would speak to the ship captain about the three of them leaving with the ship for a new life.

The minister had asked Hester, when exactly the ship would be returning to England. She expected it to depart on the fourth day. "That is most fortunate!" he had then said to himself. He planned to give a speech to his church on the third day from the present, and decided he would leave his profession after that speech, to escape to England with Hester and their little Pearl. "At least the townspeople will say that I have completed my public duties as a minister!" he said to himself. Sad, indeed, that he lied to himself so deeply! No man can wear one face to himself and another to society, without finally getting confused as to which may be his true face.

The excitement of Mr Dimmesdale's feelings, as he returned from his interview with Hester, give him a great deal of strength, and he hurried back to the town quickly. He remembered the path to the forest being quite difficult to pass, but now he walked quickly, jumping over small streams of water with quick energy, which astonished him. As he walked back to the town, looking at the familiar homes and buildings, he felt strange and excited, still confused as to whether or not he had dreamed his interview with Hester and little Pearl. As he returned, he realized that he was not the same man who had walked into the forest.

On his walk home, he was tempted to do strange things that he had never before considered doing, strange and evil things. For instance, he met one of the old respected church officers. The good old man greeted him with fatherly warmth. Now, during the few moments that the two men had a conversation, the young minister had to control himself from screaming evil words of the devil at the old officer. And, even with this terror in his heart, the young minister could hardly avoid laughing, to imagine how the respected religious leader would respond to such evil words!

Again, another incident that tempted the young minister. Hurrying along the street, the minister Mr Dimmesdale met an older woman of his church; a poor, lonely woman with a heart full of memories of her dead husband. Yet, the young minister had the evil desire to whisper terrible words about her husband, who was suffering greatly in hell, as she soon would. Such words would force the woman to fall to the ground and die in complete shock.

Another instance of his temptation to perform devilish acts happened when he walked by a group of young children, playing together nearby as he walked down the street. He desired to go near them, and explain the most harmful words known during those days.

"What is it that tempts me?" cried the minister to himself, after pausing in the street. "Am I mad? Or am I evil? Did I sign my name in the black book with the Black Man in the forest?"

At the moment when the minister Mr Dimmesdale was having these thoughts, he saw old Mistress Hibbins come to him. She made a very grand appearance, wearing a rich dress of elegant material. She walked to the young minister, looking at him with a curious smile.

"So, Minister, you have visited the forest," observed the witch-lady. "The next time, you must tell me and we shall go together."

"I tell you, Madam," answered the minister, with a look of confusion, "I do not know what you are speaking of! I did not go into the forest."

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed the old lady loudly. "Well, well, we must talk at midnight in the forest!"

She passed on, but often turned back to smile at him, like one that knows another's deep secret.

"Have I sold myself to the devil, her leader?" thought the minister to himself.

The poor minister! Tempted by a dream of happiness, which would have been a terrible sin.

By this time, he had reached his home, near the cemetery. He entered the home, and looked around at its books, its windows and its fireplace with the same feelings of strangeness that he had felt on his walk there from the forest. Here he had studied and written, all while feeling a terrible amount of pain and suffering. He then looked at his writing desk, where he had written his speech that he would give in two days, the day before his departure with Hester and little Pearl. He had not finished the speech, however, and sat down to look at it in pitying, angry curiosity. The man who had written that was gone. He was no longer the same man who had walked into the forest earlier that day. Another man had returned out of the forest; a wiser one, with knowledge of hidden mysteries that his former self could never have understood. A bitter kind of knowledge!

While occupied with these thoughts, he heard a knock at the door, and the minister said, "Come in!"

He then saw old Roger Chillingworth enter the room. The minister stood, white and speechless, with one hand over his heart.

"Welcome home, minister," said the doctor. "But, you look pale, as if you have traveled too far through nature. Let me help you."

"No, I think not," responded the minister Mr Dimmesdale. "My journey and the fresh air have helped me after being in my study for so many hours. I think I no longer need the help of your drugs, my kind doctor."

All this time, Roger Chillingworth was looking at the minister carefully. The doctor then knew that the young minister no longer viewed him as a trusted friend, but instead, his most hated enemy. The minister was soon left alone in his study, where he destroyed the speech he had already written. He then began a new speech, and worked for many hours into the night before he found himself asleep at his desk, after writing several pages of his speech.

(end of section)